Author: Follow @JennyTheM

2021 marks the start of another year of the pandemic caused by the corona virus #Covid19 .

I would like to dedicate this blog to all those who have been affected by this wicked virus 🦠 including those who have had loved ones die and/or incapacitated by it (and the impact this will be having on their lives ❤️ )

Isolation from friends and family affects us all in many ways – some feel angry , others lost and lonely . In these trying times some of us older humans may look back on our lives and question the decisions we made when we were young – this is a normal phenomenon as we feel restricted from seeing forwards so we reflect on what’s passed by (wondering if we could change our paths) My advice is to try hard as you can to focus on the now because try as you might you cannot change the past – try to do something each day that keeps you in the present moment – write a letter , draw something, sing a song , walk your dog , phone someone . Keep it simple .

A special thank you to those who work through (caring for others as part of their vocation of work) , those employed in essential services such as food sales , delivery, logistics, also to the volunteers who have presented themselves openly to help others, as well as the people in the background that are stoically working away, plus all teaching staff and support services. Also let’s take our virtual hats off to all the parents/ foster parents and carers who are home schooling against all odds. Special love to the children of the world especially the young carers – we must keep giving children kindness as we won’t know the true effect this will have on their lives until many many moons have waxed and waned.

Kindness begins with you – as I’ve grown older I do reflect on decisions I made in my life through fear but at this moment in our lives I realise that we must put kindness to ourselves and others first and here’s why . .

Kindness begets kindness – in these socially distanced days we are in who is the first to step out of the way , who crosses to the pavement opposite to make way for others ? Let that be you ❤️ don’t judge because someone doesn’t thank -we are all going through things no one else knows about . Three times yesterday on a walk I crossed over to let others pass including a jogger , an elderly man and a family I expected nothing in return but they all gave me some form of thanks . The runner put his thumb up , the elderly man said thank you and the family smiled at me – each interaction gave me a good feeling inside . I’ve heard stories about dog walkers and runners disagreeing about who should step out of the way – each one probably waiting for the other and not thinking “I’ll move” . I have had no problems with moving aside myself and since I’ve actively focused on doing it I’ve noticed more people smiling and signalling in positive ways .

When I get a delivery , the doorbell rings and usually the delivery person is almost out of sight as I open the door I make a conscious effort to find them and shout my thanks to them “I appreciate all you are doing – stay safe” they always reply with humility.

So my advice to you is to seek out the kindness that lives inside you and pass it onto others – tell them you’re grateful for them – say thank you and let them see in your face that you mean it . This can be family , friends , NHS staff , shop workers , colleagues, strangers, delivery people anyone you meet .

In these trying times we all need something to cling to and a few kind words exchanged with a stranger underpin what to be human means – to be kind

Thank you for reading . Stay safe

Jen ❤️

In my long career in the NHS I was witness to many colleagues not being adequately cared for. This is something totally invisible to those using the service and sadly not perceived as important by managers or peers. However, whatever the situation when there is a lack of compassion and empathy towards employees this has huge implications on the care received by those using the service .

When staff are nurtured holistically by management and peers they feel loved, appreciated, good about themselves, what they do, want to give their best selves and they enjoy going into work – all these positives contribute to a quality service. Although controversial to say the ones more likely to comply with the culture of a place are the ones who are promoted – leaving misfits/innovators /rebels who challenge poor systems and cultures feeling unappreciated, isolated and less able to speak up- this can cause a downward spiral of helplessness , mental health issues ,poor job satisfaction and a lack of retainment .

An NHS maternity care service has a tendency to look outwards seeking approval and praise when in fact it should be looking inwards to those who work there .

The most common themes leading to staff trauma and burnout are inadequate staffing , poor shift management , lack of professional support following tragic incidents, bullying behaviours, a blame culture and an expectation that all staff must fit the same mold.

All employee care should ideally be based around Maslow’s hierarchy of needs as the service users and people employed there are in fact one and the same. Differentiating staff from the people at the heart of the care is in fact an inability to recognise that being human is what connects us .

When midwives are presented with an emotionally safe environment they will be their true selves and the security of this will facilitate compassionate care to the people they care for. Its a two way process – be kind to staff and the staff will feel cherished and so be kind to the woman .

Kindness to all within the service (users of the service and employees) will bring a consistently positive day to day experience and improve safety .

‘Not all disabilities are visible’ is a sign regularly seen on toilets for those living with a disability – so my question is this ‘if the NHS embraced more midwives who live with a disability then the cascade effect of this would be that women and families who live with a disability/disabilities would see this and be more likely to choose such a unit to be guided through their pregnancy.

If we also look at ensuring that a maternity workforce is diverse in ethnicity this might go some way towards addressing the horrendous imbalance in care . Evidence has highlighted the fact that black women are four times more likely to die and we need to know why. According to the MBRRACE UK, 2020 report (a report that looks into maternal deaths), Black women in the UK have a four fold higher risk of dying in pregnancy in comparison to a white woman.

Hunter B, Henley J, Fenwick J et al (2018). Work, Health and Emotional Lives of Midwives in the United Kingdom: The UK WHELM study. School of healthcare Sciences, Cardiff University

Bullying exists within maternity services and addressing this issue is a complex one – not many bullies leave sadly the victims of the bullies leave which in fact gives a strong message to the bullies “carry on bullying “

To summarise take a good look at the workforce you are in. How is the culture ? Are there groups that seem to exclude others or are there no sub cultures? Does everyone follow the philosophy of the unit ? Is the workforce a good reflection of the people it cares for or are those people underrepresented?

Thank you for reading

Sending love and kindness

Jenny

This week I’ve been chatting to a few people who were forced to leave their place of work because they were bullied and mistreated by their managers and colleagues.

Sadly the common thread in all the stories they shared with me seems to be that they were all simply KIND.

One of the people used to work as a podiatrist in the NHS and was regularly reprimanded by a manager because believe it or not most podiatrists are “not allowed” to directly refer patients to a GP or surgeon – this can be despite the fact that someone is about to lose a toe , foot or limb – yes unbelievable but totally true . However because the podiatrist cared the referrals kept going in – eventually though that person was bullied out of the job.

The next person is a midwife I’ve become friends with who was given an award which she tells me will NEVER be mentioned at her place of work – even though the place she works at is directly connected to the award – strange but true .

The next person is someone who decided that public health funerals should be made more personal and individualised – something which that person started and was admired for by the funeral attendees but the managers didn’t approve . So the person left the role because of being made to feel uncomfortable.

The common thread with all these ordinary people who are simply trying to help others in some way or other is that they were all KIND .

So what makes others dislike kind acts or kind people ? Well I think I’ve discovered it and it’s because of my own experience of being bullied as a midwife because I was kind .

The answer is that people who go above and beyond their roles and job descriptions tend to shine a light which exposes those who don’t seem to be very kind and it sort of makes them look like they’re not quite as good at their job as the kind ones are .

My advice to you if you are being bullied is to see it as a compliment – you are simply showing the non-compassionate colleagues and managers up . If you can’t carry on there just start looking for a way out , a new job , a different place to live . Speak to others who are kind who will give you strength and always listen to your own heart . Make sure you see your GP and your occupational health team – tell your story and have people around you who are supportive .

Soon enough all the kindest people will be the majority and the ones who have a lack of insight into what it is to live a compassionate and kind life will simply fade away .

Keep being kind – you are amazing

With love , JennyTheM ❤️

I have recently heard Alicia Keys singing her latest single – it really resonates with me . Part of the lyrics ⬇️

“This goes out to the underdog
Keep on keeping at what you love
You’ll find that someday soon enough
You will rise up, rise up, yeah”©

This has inspired me to write a blog as I think it will resonate with many people who work in the NHS/large corporations/organisations – the ones who feel they aren’t noticed – the ones who never get the promotion, never get nominated, the ones who see others groomed for a job they’d love to do, those who feel that they blend into the paintwork, the ones whose voices aren’t heard at meetings and ideas never used or laughed at – trust me one day your light will shine 💡

“When you consider things like the stars, our affairs don’t seem to matter very much, do they?”

Virginia Woolf (Night and Day)

In order to write this blog I decided to research why feeling insignificant or small can actually make us kinder humans . I chanced upon this research CLICK HERE TO OPEN (done at University of California, Irvine (somewhat of a coincidence as I used to live on that campus) . Here’s a cropped photo of part of the paper ..

As a retired midwife I wonder how many midwives experience awe ? Are they encouraged to hide this feeling ? Are midwives who are based on birth centres more likely to experience awe than an midwife who works on a labour ward ? Is awe something that could possibly be “cleansed” out of us because of culture / stress at work / lack of respect / exhaustion / short staffing ? How can we bring awe back into the workplace ?

‪here is another LINK to a film explaining that “WE” provide our own meaning to our life by being insignificant. I suppose what I’m trying to say is that being small and embracing your own insignificance is grounding helping you see to the finer details that rank/importance/promotion/hierarchy could ultimately mask .

How many managers consistently know what’s happening at ground level ? They might think they know because of dedicated “spies” in the camp -however,let us just factor in bias/favouritism/inaccurately transmitted gossip and very soon the story changes . Being present is all about insignificance it’s the quiet worker in the corner who “the others” think is not aware – that person is probably more aware of the good and bad behaviour of others than someone senior .

Thank you for reading

Be kind to one another

Jenny ❤️❤️

Nature and the planet depends on microorganisms and tiny creatures to function . For example dung beetles help improve nutrients in soil by breaking down the poo of animals in the jungle (like the poo of the Orang-Utan) dung beetles therefore improve biodiversity and reduce global warming .

PLANKTON in our oceans feeds many larger creatures and is a necessary part of our food chain.

In the NHS there are many small yet great people who give gigantic care but who are overlooked and perhaps made to feel insignificant by those who see themselves as more important and powerful – For example the quiet unassuming midwife who always seems to be allocated a higher workload than the noisy brash midwife . The maternity support worker who feels she/he doesn’t quite fit in with the labour ward culture so therefore focuses on keeping busy and away from the gossip .

These “small people” are the tiny yet pivotal cogs that keep the NHS running and connect with larger cogs to which they are a necessity – when theses small cogs are absent, they are not considered – yet their absence usually has a powerful and negative impact on production efficiency but because of their quietness, unassuming nature and self effacing ways others rarely realise this .

The most effective person in a team (they may not necessarily be fast but they are 100% compassionate) is massively overlooked , disregarded, ignored for the louder more larger personalities.

Because of this for 2020 International year of the nurse and the midwife I’m asking you to appreciate the quiet worker, the one who doesn’t make a song and dance about everything , the midwife who always seems to give a little bit more , the nurse who doesn’t question her over realistic allocation of work , the health care assistant who promptly answers the patients call buzzer . The quiet inspirer who you see plugging away each day expecting no praise and therefore overshadowed by the more needy peers

I want you to see them as crucial to the fine intricate ecosystem of the NHS and show them your appreciation by trying to reduce their workload by sharing it with them and others who might make more noise .

Validate , praise and nurture ❤️

I’m also appealing for managers to be less self important – try doing some more menial tasks to openly display to your team how know you’re with them and you understand their pressures .

Be kind to one another

Happy 2020 – keep yourself vision clear ❤️

Jenny X