I didn’t want a labour -everyone in my family knew
I did want a baby though
-my desperate feeling was not new.
I’d always been nervous,fainted at the sight of blood
told myself time and again that at birthing I’d be no good
My husband eventually won me round
We started trying for a baby but my mind couldn’t rest
So many ifs and buts and a maybe
we were pleased when we found out the positive test,
Inside my body though I felt so stressed
I had a tightness in my chest
I almost wanted to shout & shriek (no one seemed to listen)
I tried to talk about Caesarean birth with health professionals through the weeks
-somehow they didn’t hear me -I felt soft , so ridiculous so weak.
I couldn’t express my feelings, my fear of giving birth
I felt anxiety would pass to my baby -I had no sense of worth .
I went into labour I was scared and full of fear
my husband and my mother were with me it helped me to have them near
I failed to express myself to the doctors that I just couldn’t do it
But it was as if my words couldn’t come out- I truly almost blew it .
What happened next was down to the perception of my midwife
She saw the turmoil I was in recognised my inner strife
She stood side by side with me , told the Drs what I’d said
She was my birthing advocate – my saviour through the dread
A plan was made they’d finally noted every word I’d spoken
I was going to have a Caesarean section it was as if I had awoken
Don’t presume my fear had simply run away
I was worried ,scared and still not quite sure what to say
During the birth I could not look or speak or move
But when I held my baby skin to skin I was overwhelmed with love
My child was born and passed to me – I had achieved so much
And to the midwife that heard me through the tears – THANK YOU – for your listening touch
You really made a difference to me and my family
I don’t know how I’d have coped if you hadn’t stood side by side with me
@JennyTheM 16.5.18
Dedicated to Yana Richens OBE @Fearofbirth on Twitter for raising the profile of women who have fear of birth and for teaching Midwives and future Midwives strategies to help women ❤️ thank you ❤️
@JennyTheM©️ 