Category: Midwifery and birth

Just recently I was  caring for a woman (‘Georgie’) in early labour , she was very calm and relaxed and preparing to go home . I’d left the room once to get Georgie a glass of water and when I’d returned I’d noticed a beautiful spring like aroma in the room which I commented on . I have a very keen sense of smell which seems to be heightened as I get older . Read more facts about the  SENSE OF SMELL HERE  Georgie’s partner was at home looking after her other child so her mother (‘Lydia’) had brought her in . I asked her about her last pregnancy and then I asked Lydia “How many children do you have?” 

Lydia replied “Two but I would’ve had three – one of my children was born asleep”  

As she spoke I was helping Georgie to get comfortable – Lydia’s sadness was profound, tangible and palpable  – I said” I think you need a hug ” 

I stopped what I was doing and hugged her for at least one minute we both cried and she said “that’s the first time I’ve talked about my son for a long time – and people usually don’t respond to me saying I’d HAVE three children”

The reason why I responded was because I could see, smell and feel her sadness . I also have a dear friend Andrea – we’ve been friends for 35 years – our children have spent weeks at each other’s houses during school holidays when child care was less of a working mothers right and more of a struggle – as a double parent I was bringing my children up doing shifts and being on call. Andrea and her husband helped me so much and our children all had so much fun together  . The bonus was that although 60 miles apart our children practically grew up together . 

Andrea and Micks beautiful son Christopher was killed by a speeding driver in June 2009 who  lost control of his car – Chris was 15 years old . Chris was almost at the kerb and had pushed his friend to safety only to lose his own life in the blink of an eye. 

Andrea and Mick will never get over the death of their beloved son. Andrea’s  daughter is left with only memories of her dear brother and the impact of Chris dying goes on daily in their lives, as well as affecting their family & friends . In February this year 21 red balloons were released on a foggy white sky day to celebrate Chris & his life but also to show that we all miss him & love him. This was also to show Andrea Mick & Rebecca that we LOVE them too. 

When Andrea meets  new people some ignore the fact that when asked about her children she says “I had two” she is slowly learning to talk about Chris to strangers and when I met Lydia that’s why I connected with her . I felt her sorrow and pain as I see & feel Andrea Mick & Rebeccas pain on a regular basis – although I cannot put myself in their shoes . 

We are humans and humans thrive on love and kindness . Why did I talk about the sense of smell ? 

As Lydia & George were leaving  the hospital , Lydia turned to me and said “please don’t say no Jenny ” she pressed into my hand a small bottle of perfume half used and said “please have this and when you smell it think of how you helped me today ” I cried and told her that I wasn’t supposed to receive such gifts that I was merely doing my job – but she said “I I will get myself another bottle I really want you to have this one “

I was with a future midwife who say the whole story unfurl and she was also moved by the Lydia’s  story 

The bottle is the picture connected with the blog and I will treasure that bottle even when it’s empty. It’s called Summer Sky 🌈

I’d like to dedicate this blog to all mothers who have lost children. If you ever ask someone how many children they have and they hesitate to answer or say “I would’ve had …. ” give them a hug – it’s a small act but it will mean a world of difference to no hug at all

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I am a physiological midwife . I promote the use of water in pregnancy, labour and also birth . I have not always been this way – I’ve read and studied the effect water can have on us as humans and in the past ten years I have developed a belief and understanding about the benefits of using water to calm, relax and strengthen. Some women are uncertain about the role that water can play in their labour. I discuss the benefits and try to imagine myself as a future mother listening to my views and my passion for birth in water.
At no point do I ever force anyone to get into the water. However I always admit a woman to a room with a pool and try to have the water running as she enters the room . There is something calming and reassuring about the sound of running water – memories of bath time as a child are evoked. Water has long been used to cleanse, relax and prepare for rest as well as helping us as humans to start our day . Washing and bathing are such a huge part of our lives that we give no thought to them – water is primitive . Think of lakes pools, rivers- places where our ancestors would wash, play, perform ritual, religious ceremonies and do chores- water is embedded into our psyche. Water makes is feel good and this is highlighted in the following article.
http://www.theguardian.com/sustainable-business/impact-sea-lakes-rivers-peoples-health
We are drawn to water – the Lake District is named after water , there are many places in the world infamous because they have involve water – hot springs , falls, rivers and streams . We marvel at the strength and beauty of a waterfall, at the gentleness of morning dew on a spiders web and how many of us have stared at the sun setting on the horizon and disappearing from view as if appears to submerge itself into water.

Being in a pool gives a woman her own environment – mammals seek a safe place to birth away from other mammals, predators and noise . They seek somewhere secure, warm and calm- a protective place. The pool environment fits all these criteria and more – compare a pool to a bed – there is in fact more privacy in the pool – once inside the pool a woman is covered by water and her private areas are away from view. Consider this in relation to a woman on a bed with a sheet over her and feel her vulnerability in this position. Staff stand over her and instantly the inequality begins – whereas in a pool a midwife will sit on the floor , kneel down and bring herself to the woman’s level – if you are with a woman who is on a bed then gets chairs for other HCPs who may enter the room , make sure the correct door is opened to maintain privacy and dignity , make the bed higher so the woman feels at a positional advantage or help her to get off the bed off the bed http://www.rcmnormalbirth.org.uk/ten-top-tips/

I call the pool the “watercave”and women I have talked to after the birth say they felt safe strong and protected by the walls of the pool , they felt they could move and choose their own position and in control of their own movements . As the birth process begins I’ve noticed that more women feel for the babies head in the pool than on a bed – I never ask a woman if she would like to feel her newborns head prior to birth as it should be an instinctual choice – once we say , are we interfering? I talk to women and their birth partners about the physiology of birth in the pool, how it happens and about physiological third stage . I feel as health professionals we should not presume prior knowledge and that discussing birth choices builds on the relationship between the family and the midwife . We should feel equal and the same – this will facilitate a two way process of communication and care and will also embed the 6cs in order to give the best experience to the woman primary not the midwife .
The most wonderful thing about the pool is that the midwife learns to sit on her hands there is no need to touch anything and this is just amazing for the woman .
To see a woman reach down and lift her own child out of the water (or for the father / second mother / grandparent / partner / friend to
do this) is just so beautiful it is the land of goosebumps the place where birth belongs and when you facilitate this you are giving birth back to women. Midwives are “with woman” WITH suggests equality – we are not superior to women and we should rejoice in the power of the uterus and the power of womanhood in its own right.