jennythem – @JennyTheM©️

Babies, Being a mum, Birth, Breastfeeding, Caesarean section, Communication, Compassion, Hospital, Human kindness, Human rights, Kindness, Labour , birth, Labour and birth, MatExp, Midwife, Midwifery, Midwifery and birth, Motherhood, New parents, Newborn, Newborn attachment, NHS, Obstetrics, Skin to skin contact, Women's rights, zero separation

SkinToSkin poem © by Jenny Clarke

March 27, 2019March 27, 2019 Follow @JennyTheM

it really doesn’t matter where you are

Home , hospital , Operating theatre, birth-pool or sat on a star 🌟

The ultimate way for a baby’s life to begin

Is right next to her mother in SkinToSkin

Your baby doesn’t care what she weighs

Read and digest the ATAIN study – we adore what that says

SkinToSkin contact for babies 37 weeks or more

can reduce unplanned admissions to special care- that’s the score

It helps stop separation of you and your baby

That’s a fact – no ifs,buts or maybe

Prolonged SkinToSkin makes you more of a team

So that baby can understand you (and vice versa) – see what we mean ?

SkinToSkin is no fad, craze or latest trend

SkinToSkin makes mother’s better mothers that’s why @JennyTheM is here to bend

your ears soon in Breastfeeding Week.

I have read all the research by the SkinToSkin geeks

I am giving you the evidence and it’s right up your street

So make plans , prepare for SkinToSkin don’t leave it to chance

When your baby gets SkinToSkin she’ll move about – a newborn birth dance

SkinToSkin sets off behaviour ,keeps baby’s calm

Us humans are mammals -made to keep our young warm

So at birth just consider how your baby will feel

SkinToSkin will tell her –

YOU ARE the real deal ❤️

© @JennyTheM 27.3.19

My next blog will be about the need for correct positioning for mother and baby (or other mother and baby or father and baby ) in order for SkinToSkin to reach its full potential and benefits ❤️

Antenatal education, Babies, Being a mum, Birth, Children, Compassion, Hospital, Human rights, Labour , birth, Labour and birth, Midwife, Midwifery, Midwifery and birth, Motherhood, New parents, Newborn, NHS, Postnatal care, Respect, Skin to skin contact, soeaking out, Student Midwives, Women's rights, Young mothers, Young women, zero separation

Newborn babies – photographed without their parents – my bugbear

October 19, 2018December 2, 2018 Follow @JennyTheM

Everyone who knows me knows that I promote , research and present about SkinToSkin contact . I know exactly why it matters to mothers , fathers and babies .

Just recently I’ve noticed an advert for an upcoming ITV series “Delivering Babies ” in which Emma Willis stars as a auxiliary nurse assisting on a maternity unit – the profile photo shows a picture of Emma holding someone else’s baby without any of the parents in the photograph – this is what prompted me to write this blog .

One particular bugbear I have is seeing a baby on a photograph with a health care professional without the mother or father being included in the picture .

I have discussed this with many future and new parents and explained that they are the guardians of the newborn – protecting it from unnecessary exposure to anything . At most schools there is a social media policy which prevents the posting of children on social media sites . However the same rules don’t seem to apply for newborn babies.

I see many programmes about pregnancy, labour , birth and the postnatal on TV which I choose to critique. Some I have given up watching through exasperation that the baby is not seem as a child of someone .

I have had heated debates with maternity managers , future midwives , midwives , maternity support workers about why a baby should not be photographed without any of its parents . I ask them this question “if you had a baby would you want it’s photo to be on someone else’s social media account , mobile phone or perhaps even framed on a sideboard in someone else’s home that’s not even related to you ?”

Just google “Midwife” and numerous photos will pop up of midwives holding someone else’s baby . There’s even one from Call The Midwife – time to rethink why these photos exist and consider the human rights of the newborn ?

Below are two collages I made following a google search – who are these babies and were the parents asked for full consent and counselled thoroughly about the fact that their babies would appear on internet searches ?

My other concern is WHO takes the photo ? If it’s on the parents phone and given to the midwife as a gift does that make it ok . What is consent ? Eg “could I have consent to use this photograph of me holding your baby to post on social media / put into a frame at home , look back on and wonder who that baby belonged to in 20 years time ” OR “could I have a photo of you as a family with me in the background which I will treasure and treat with respect , I will not post it on social media and it will remain a midwifery memory for me of meeting you ?”

In taking photos we must consider

Is it necessary ?

Please leave your comments below

Yours in midwifery love

@JennyTheM

Antenatal education, Being a mum, Birth, Caesarean section, Compassion, Courage, Fear of Birth, Giving information, Helping others, Hospital, Human kindness, Human rights, Kindness, Labour , birth, Labour and birth, MatExp, Midwife, Midwifery, Midwifery and birth, Motherhood, New parents, NHS, Obstetrics, Respect, Skin to skin contact, Student Midwives, Surgery, Women's health, Women's rights, Working from the heart

Fear of Birth – A Poem

May 16, 2018March 10, 2019 Follow @JennyTheM

I didn’t want a labour -everyone in my family knew

I did want a baby though

-my desperate feeling was not new.

I’d always been nervous,fainted at the sight of blood

told myself time and again that at birthing I’d be no good

My husband eventually won me round

We started trying for a baby but my mind couldn’t rest

So many ifs and buts and a maybe

we were pleased when we found out the positive test,

Inside my body though I felt so stressed

I had a tightness in my chest

I almost wanted to shout & shriek (no one seemed to listen)

I tried to talk about Caesarean birth with health professionals through the weeks

-somehow they didn’t hear me -I felt soft , so ridiculous so weak.

I couldn’t express my feelings, my fear of giving birth

I felt anxiety would pass to my baby -I had no sense of worth .

I went into labour I was scared and full of fear

my husband and my mother were with me it helped me to have them near

I failed to express myself to the doctors that I just couldn’t do it

But it was as if my words couldn’t come out- I truly almost blew it .

What happened next was down to the perception of my midwife

She saw the turmoil I was in recognised my inner strife

She stood side by side with me , told the Drs what I’d said

She was my birthing advocate – my saviour through the dread

A plan was made they’d finally noted every word I’d spoken

I was going to have a Caesarean section it was as if I had awoken

Don’t presume my fear had simply run away

I was worried ,scared and still not quite sure what to say

During the birth I could not look or speak or move

But when I held my baby skin to skin I was overwhelmed with love

My child was born and passed to me – I had achieved so much

And to the midwife that heard me through the tears – THANK YOU – for your listening touch

You really made a difference to me and my family

I don’t know how I’d have coped if you hadn’t stood side by side with me

@JennyTheM 16.5.18

Dedicated to Yana Richens OBE @Fearofbirth on Twitter for raising the profile of women who have fear of birth and for teaching Midwives and future Midwives strategies to help women ❤️ thank you ❤️

Midwife, Midwifery, Midwifery and birth, NHS, NHS Systems and processes, Nursing

Happy 70th Birthday NHS: and to all who work in it – go eat cake 🎂 . A blog by Val Finigan

April 30, 2018 Follow @JennyTheM

Happy 70th Birthday NHS:and to all who work in it-go eat cake 🎂
A beautiful blog by @ValFinigan

I can’t believe that the NHS has reached a 70 year milestone and that I have been part of this amazing service for 40 years. I saw the twitter feed asking for midwives to write a Blog to celebrate the NHS and its achievements over the years and I decided that I would like to be a part of this. Of course, I am not a Blog person and so I sought expert help from the lovely @JennyTheM who always like me, says yes (so hugs Jenny and remember “together, we always achieve”). I have been proud to work in the NHS, to wear my Consultant Midwife’s lanyard with pride. Indeed, I am immensely proud of the NHS Constitution and values and of NHS staff commitment to deliver a quality service regardless of demands made on them.
My career in the NHS started in 1978 when I became an Auxiliary Nurse caring for the elderly and my full time service almost ended in 2017 when I retired from position of Consultant Midwife for infant feeding. It has been an amazing journey and a privilege to be part of so many people’s lives, helping women to bring babies into the world and at the other end of life –supporting with compassion and care, those who are leaving.
I have worked in many different roles and positions which I feel empowered me, enabling me to understand everyone’s role and the part they play in the NHS as a whole. Sadly, I am not sure that all senior people have this same journey or focus and not everyone is aware of individual roles and how collectively they underpin NHS effectiveness and efficiency. T

This is important as the large wheel will not turn without all of the little cogs functioning. and that is why all NHS staff must be supported, be valued and be cared for must

This is important as the large wheel will not turn without all of the little cogs functioning and that is why all NHS staff must be supported, be valued and be cared for as in the NMC code ( CLICK HERE TO ACCESS THE NMC CODE )

To achieve this, you must:
8.1 respect the skills, expertise and contributions of your colleagues, referring matters to them when appropriate
8.2 maintain effective communication with colleagues
8.4 work with colleagues to evaluate the quality of your work and that of the team
8.5 work with colleagues to preserve the safety of those receiving care
8.6 share information to identify and reduce risk, and
8.7 be supportive of colleagues who are encountering health or performance problems. However, this support must never compromise or be at the expense of patient or public safety.
I look back with emotional pride; I remember the first time that I lovingly ironed my uniform and then proudly placed the nurse’s cap on my head. I was in Utopia and I had achieved my dream. My parents had saved to buy me a fob watch engraved with my name and a silver buckle and belt and I still have them today.
I was fortunate enough to be given many opportunities to develop. I became an Enrolled nurse in 1978 and worked in paediatrics and infectious diseases. When Project 2000 came in, I re-trained to become a RGN and worked as a staff nurse on cleft lip and palate and also within general nursing roles.
I didn’t understand the political aspects that have driven my career pathways until much later when I entered the world of academia at University of Salford and considered this. Like most nurses and midwives’ my time in the NHS has involved life-long learning and development. Here I went from the Langley dunce to a BA (Hons) and then to a PhD achiever. Now who would have believed that I could have achieved that?
I qualified as a midwife almost 30 years ago and then specialised, becoming an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant, taking 4 hospitals to UNICEF Baby Friendly accreditation and sharing research globally on women’s experiences of immediate skin-to-skin contact from diverse population groups. We celebrated our teams’ achievements in style, with Elle McPherson presenting the award and talking to mothers and cuddling babies.
The emotional context of midwifery is fundamental, midwives need to have emotional awareness in order to deliver care sensitively, and also be able to acknowledge and respond to women’s feelings. Elle McPherson could have been a midwife; I was impressed at her sensitivity and respectful stance on women’s rights to best care. It was impressive to see her give her bouquet of flowers, a hug and a tear shed when a local Asian mother (who had delivered her baby prematurely) was separated from it whilst it received neonatal care.
I helped to care for the first HIV positive patient admitted to Monsall Hospital, Manchester in the 80s(which has now been demolished) and I trained to care for patients that had Lassa fever which was quite a scary thing to do back then and involved caring for the patient in a sealed unit-a bubble.
In my later days (once I had grown a brain) I helped the Manchester HIV team develop the first guidelines to support breastfeeding for HIV positive women and I held the first motion for this at the CHIVA conference in Manchester (which was very frightening as many renowned HIV experts were present). Sometimes we have to be brave (‘Courage butter’, JennyTheM, would say) without courage change will never happen-someone has to be brave enough to take the first step and ask “can we”, “should we”, “what is the evidence for and against”, “how do we start this journey together”, “will this make a difference?” Better Births and the Midwifery Transformation agenda are the new movement where midwives and the government are considering change-change that will fundamentally , hopefully, put women at the centre of ‘personalised care’.
I have seen so many changes come and go in the NHS 70 years ;often to be replaced with similar changes –just with a different name (‘Changing Childbirth’ to ‘Better Births’, being the latest example). Yet I also have proudly witnessed the compassion, care and tireless commitment to the NHS given by midwives and nurses who continue to deliver the best care whilst being under immense pressures and challenges. There is a lack of funding and still we are 3500 midwives short across the UK.
Sadly I have also seen many experienced and talented nurses and midwives leave a service they truly love because they can no longer function well under the pressures of systems.
When I first retired from the NHS, I was adrift. I was shocked at the overwhelming loss I felt and sadly there was nowhere to turn for support. I was angry at myself, all that training, learning and now both it, and I had no value. The problem with being a midwife is that once you take on the role it becomes you, not a part of you.
Thankfully, my story does not end there. Now I am looking back through a different lens and with a rush of positivity embracing my soul. I am back, resilient like our NHS, doing what I was trained to do, and what I do best; serving the public, caring and providing support. The NHS is a UK flagship-I have no doubt it will continue, the scary bit-is what changes have to happen next to allow this.
I now work in the Urgent Care services where I continue to use my nursing and midwifery knowledge and skills wisely. I am working with and alongside of women, babies and families, providing evidence based care and advice in pregnancy, motherhood and for infant feeding and also for a wide variety of other illnesses; and for people of all ages. The hours are flexible and therefore offer a work –home live balance that evaded me in my full time role. In this service I am valued and my talents are fully utilised.
Happy birthday NHS and congratulations to the hard working workforce (cleaner to Chief Executive) that make those tiny cogs turn to deliver such a fantastic service.

I hope you enjoyed reading my blog . with love ,

Val

NHS

Starting #SkinToSkin contact – What are you waiting for ?

February 23, 2017March 10, 2019 Follow @JennyTheM

My latest blog is to back up an article published today in The Times about why newborns need to be held by their mothers at birth for as long as possible . The ATAIN study looks at term (a baby born after 37 weeks gestation) admissions to neonatal units and how to avoid them .

Perhaps it’s time to rethink my strategy – I have been focusing my work on why birth workers should not move the newborn out of skin to skin . NOW I realise that we (that means ALL birth workers) must make our primary aim on STARTING and BEGINING the contact and how to educate women to keep hold of their newborns despite external pressures to move the baby .

So what are the external pressures?

As an experiment I have been piloting a scenario project with the pregnant women I come into contact with in my role as a midwife .

I roll up a clean towel and ask the woman to hold it and say “this is your newborn – I want you to try and imagine yourself tired and vulnerable after a long labour and someone is trying to make you move your baby 👶 out of skin to skin contact ” Then I teach the woman that whilst she is holding her newborn – millions of physiological things are taking place . These include

Brain activity in the amygdala

The newborns tongue is starting to move

The newborns heart is changing from how it was inside the uterus to extra uterine function

A connection which is so simple yet at the same time too complex to put into words is beginning – that connection is the most important relationship known to man – the relationship between the mother and her newborn and the newborn and her/his mother . By discussing this I am not trying to disregard the relationship between the child and father or second mother – I am repeating what we know from other mammals that motherly love at birth makes a huge impact on children’s lives and long term mental health . If a child has been taken away from its mother because of circumstance or loss and there is a record showing that SkinToSkin contact occurred imagine the positive feeling this could give ?

Then I try to explain that we don’t know what we are doing when we forget to begin SkinToSkin contact but we could be meddling with human nature . A baby is so happy in SkinToSkin contact – yet a mother may not be – this is our challenge – to help women to understand why it matters to the newborn .

Please question your own practice first and then you may enlighten yourself – then try some simple birth scenarios which prevent SkinToSkin from starting – use these to teach women and families – go out and spread the word at every opportunity you can find- make a difference and always think SkinToSkin ❤️

Thank you for reading

Love , Jenny

ALL MATERIAL HERE TODAY IS COPYRIGHT © owned and created by @JennyTheM you are welcome to photograph but my name @JennyTheM must be visible on all private & public shares by law eg Facebook/ what’s app / twitter / Instagram- please use the #JennyTheM and #SkinToSkin

NHS

Compliance and the art of compassionate rebelliousness

October 25, 2016March 5, 2020 Follow @JennyTheM

As humans we are encouraged to comply from the moment we are born . We are weighed , a hat is placed on our head. The media, tradition, education , culture, peers, history and many more all step into our tiny lives on a huge platform telling us we must not be different

We hear statements like this every day

“Does your baby sleep well? ”

“My baby rolls over now does yours? ”

“Are you STILL breastfeeding ?”

“Don’t touch the beautiful fossil on display that was formed millions of years ago – you might break it!!”

“Do your homework” often heard said by parents to 5 years old children

“Pass you exams and you’ll do well”

“Don’t argue back”

“Don’t touch , play nice , keep clean , stop asking ‘why?’, sit still, don’t question , clean your room , you’re too quiet , you’re too outspoken , pay your council tax, keep your home clean , revise , work hard , don’t take your dog on the beach , don’t sit on the grass , do not be selfish , speak when you are spoken to , take your medicines ”

I’m not for one minute suggesting that we all dash out and start parking on yellow lines and refuse to pay bills . What I’m trying to say is do we teach our children the art of non-compliance ? Do we actively seek to help them see that it’s ok to say no to to certain things in our life and to put our own selves first ? Do we understand that self care should be 80/ 20 ? 80 for ourselves 20 to others ?Do we encourage that it’s ok to have a different mindset ?

Now imagine the following statements

“Hi welcome to our shop , we encourage your children to touch the displays with your support”

“Please find enclosed your contact of employment , within this organisation we actively encourage staff to be radical and challenge our services in order to improve both patient and staff experience. We do not wish to stand stand still as an organisation . We evolve only because our staff evolve us”

Change for me

What exactly sparked my thoughts for this blog ? Well on Satirday I finally got a new mobile phone , I’ve had the same one for four years and I’ve been driving my family crazy . My old mobile would randomly delete tweets as soon as I tried to open them – but strangely the rebel in me quite enjoyed this 😂

On a daily basis I respond to tweets, DM Twitter messages , emails , notifications , questions and phone calls from other midwives (mainly) and future midwives seeking support, guidance ,conversation , kindness, responses to ideas or a plan to meet up. I try my best to help others who ask me for help because that’s what being human means to me – to help others . The text deficit in my life felt a bit good to be honest and then I realised that my family would probably text me more than communicate with me in the methods mentioned above . I was putting others before them – so I got a new phone .

How strange that @JennyTheM avoided change !! I wasn’t avoiding change I was rebelling against the system for my own good, thinking that one less method of communication may give me some space for self care and mindfulness BUT I was also being blinkered and not opening myself up to the benefits of a new phone . Anyway as usual I have digressed ! (Nothing new there I hear my friends add !)

So , back to compliance – I was adding the wonderful Whattapp to my new phone and I saw my daughter’s profile picture .The photograph shows my daughter sat eating an ice cream on some grass right next to a sign saying “PLEASE KEEP OFF THE GRASS” – instead of feeling annoyed , embarrassed or wanting to say “why did you do that?!” I felt a surge of pride . My daughter was sat carefully , she wasn’t digging up the grass , she had taken her shoes off and was enjoying a still moment in time . Here was MY daughter – a rebel . My heart felt so full I just can’t explain it in words . Here is the photograph

The NHS and employment compliance

Within the NHS , current systems mean that we must comply with such things as uniform, behaviour, policies, contacts , orders , emails, training , shift patterns , meal breaks, and also hierarchy .

Our short lives begin the science of compliance the moment we are born . Girls wear pink , boys blue . I didn’t know I was going to have a daughter when I was pregnant with my first child so I bought baby clothes in every colour but pink . Over the years as I’ve berated myself for my daughters lack of girly outfits as a neonate but NOW I now see that this was due the rebel in me and also my desire to allow my children to be who they wanted to be . My parents did nothing to ‘girlify’ me or my sisters . I was encouraged that being different was ok . However I wasn’t told by them that being different would cause me to ‘fit out not it in ‘ and also that I would face challenges both in my personal and professional life for my non-conformist ways . I am happy to report that social media has blown this out of the water , I connect with other of the same ilk . Other “compassion rebels” determined to care for others in a way that doesn’t always suit the restraining systems of the NHS . PLEASE NOTE that blaming is not my style I have to connect with others that are on the same mission as me . I’ve found my tribe and wow it feels good .
It’s time for the NHS to value rebels and this is highlighted in the latest release of ” Let your workers rebel ” published by Harvard Business Review . It’s so important that parents also stop trying to conform their children into society as individuality is not only what makes us human it is an evolving process and part of humanity .

Suggested activities

Skin to skin and the WHO checklist board

March 16, 2016 Follow @JennyTheM

The day has arrived – several large cardboard flat packs were delivered to the Women’s Unit Theatre today and I could not wait to open them ALL – lucky for me Nick (a Consultant Anaesthetist) who totally ‘gets’ my passion for skin to skin was there .
“Nick” I said “if those boards don’t have skin to skin on them I’m going to have a huge tantrum and I don’t do tantrums”
“lets get them opened then Jenny” he replied
The first ones were “checkout boards ” which are to ensure that everything is correct prior to the woman leaving theatre –
“let’s try these Jenny ” bear in mind these are huge boards about 2-3 metres by 1.5 metres and very heavy – a theatre nurse joined us to help –
“you and your skin to skin you certainly have a passion for it don’t you ?” Mark (an ODP who was tidying up in the pre-op area) commented

Inside I was overwhelmed – not because of the actual board but because of the effect that seeing the actual words would have on a woman and the staff in theatre – I felt that women , midwives and theatre staff would now feel courageous about skin to skin in theatre , ask about it more and that our board might inspire other NHS Trusts . I get lots of private messages on Twitter asking me to help improve skin to skin in theatre and I believe that a positive change in one Trust can spread like a flame through the NHS

Skin to skin is not about @JennyTheM it is about women wanting to hold their newborns that they have nurtured and grown inside their bodies it is about feminism , valuing a woman’s role as a mother and it’s about love – it’s also about quality care , safety , compassion and making a difference as well as the immense health benefits that close contact can bring to both members of the dyad.

The second lot of boxes were moved to the front – Nick opened the top we peered in “can you see skin to skin Nick?” –
he replied “yes Jenny look !!!”
I peeped inside and sure enough there it was …..

‘skin to skin?’ …..they’d even remembered the question mark ! That was crucial as it had to be about reminding , choice and also rhetoric – I hugged Nick and he looked quite shocked – this was just the start and I’d gone through so much with all the staff to get to this point – I was so excited I couldn’t stop smiling – just you wait until those board are on the wall – writing on the wall was well worth it –

Birth, Breastfeeding, Cancer, Children's week, Courage, Dying, Kindness, Learning, Midwifery and birth, NHS, Nursing, Teaching

“it just might just be you”

December 10, 2015April 21, 2017 Follow @JennyTheM

I hope this poem gives you a view
To be kind to others & to yourself be true

Hospitals, clinics & community work

Its fellow humans you’re caring for so please don’t shirk

They need your love,passion, time & explanation

Please focus on the way you give communication

Consider your language & the way you speak

Empathy is strength , it does not mean you’re weak

Holding a hand & reassurance ain’t just talk

Its shows through your eyes – means your walking the walk

The person you are caring for is a human other

-a sister, brother,friend,father, mother

Be mindful of their thoughts and the way they might be feeling

From an illness or accident that’s left them reeling

Treat and approach colleagues with zero hierarchy

collaboration doesn’t support any of that malarkey

See the whole human, not just the condition

Be holistic and please let this be your sole mission

Allow care,competence, kindness to guide you through

As one day that “person” – well it just might be you

– @JennyTheM

NHS

National Poetry Day

October 8, 2015 Follow @JennyTheM

When i think of all the people who tweet

I smile to myself as I skip down the street

They’re always “there” whenever “there” maybe

Waiting and responding to a tweet from you or me

Cheering one another up along life’s highway

With a quote or a saying to brighten our day

Evidence based practice or new research innovation

Sharing positivity across all nations

Or perhaps good news they just wish to share

Even just a hello to see if someone cares

Social media is truly social – connecting others on a level that’s totally global

So all I’m saying in this short ditty is

“You don’t have to “fit in” you don’t need to be witty

Just Join the twitter brigade of positivity

soon you’ll be skipping down the street just like me

Follow the ones who are shining out loud

and be a tweeter – join in – you’ll soon feel proud ❤️

@JennyTheM

Cancer, Courage, Dying, Kindness, Midwifery and birth, NHS, Nursing

Dedicated to my mum Dorothy ❤️ you gave me courage

September 14, 2015July 25, 2019 Follow @JennyTheM

I really care about kindness to others and I want others to feel it /share it

/learn it . I also want people to see courage in action in their working lives. Life throws some hard stuff at us doesn’t it ? We cant always choose how we begin our lives.

As a midwife I know that skin to skin contact at birth or afterwards can improve & help to concrete the mother child bond .

I’m not trying to upset anyone by harping on – it’s just that I’ve had emails letters and cards from women who had skin to skin contact against all odds and how this small thing that is SO huge impacted so positively on them – I try to focus on one family at a time and this gets me through my working day – patience with myself / patience with others – however courage is a huge part of me and here’s why …

If my beautiful mum had not contracted cancer , if she had not told me time and time again “I want to die at home” I would not be who I am today – this realisation has taken me years !

I have always (and always will) do my best to step back & see the whole person – not their condition / status / experiences as separate entities but in fact parts of the jigsaw that makes them individual and unique .

I was 17 years old almost 18 – at sixth form college studying Art /Ceramics & English Lit & Language – totally hooked by Shakespeare and clay , living a normal teenage life at college but at home helping my dad to run his newsagents shop because my mum was becoming less able to . I missed a few deadlines for “essays” & was summoned to Head of English Dept & after a brief telling off I was “removed” from A level English Literature course . I was devastated – this was my escape from life – poetry / romance / words / inspiration taken from me in one cruel blow – but I didn’t say to my teachers “my mum is dying – she hasn’t got long – help me ” I just carried on and went home and cried . At home I couldn’t ask my dad to help me – his heart was breaking – no one in my family had ever “gone to Uni” what was more important me or my mum ? I accepted my fate .

I nursed my mum at home until she died -the district nurses taught me how to fill charts in and turn her from side to side so that new soft sheets could be placed under her motherly body – I learnt fast as I wanted to make my mum happy as this made me happy – seeing her smile at me was priceless . I had finished my A levels and was waiting for results so I was free to be her carer whilst dad ran the shop and my sister Barbara (15) went to school .

“Our mum” Dorothy fell asleep with me & Barbara lying beside her . It was September 22nd 1978 at 6 pm -she was 53 years young – she’d lost the ability to speak because of the radiotherapy and brain tumour . She didn’t wake up – it was calm and peaceful – we didn’t scream out we felt happy . Her wish to die at home had been granted -we didn’t realise that the hard part had only just begun. My mum was courageous – she knew she was going to die and she accepted that .I hardly ever heard her moan about it and she kept a strong smile for her family – I have only just started to appreciate that her courage inspires me through my own life .

I have missed my mum every single day of my life since then – but I have also thanked her for the times I remember – her encouraging me to do impersonations from being young , her love of baking rubbed off onto me . I recall holidays at Butlins & Pontins with her & my sister – my dad unable to leave the shop so he couldn’t come with us – what a treat an all girls holiday in the 60s ! We giggled all week and had angel delight & jelly pudding in the “chalet”. Memories like going to see The Sound of Music , visiting Hornsea Pottery and also her perfume Nina Ricci L’Air du Temps(which I used to secretly pinch) live on with me – her love of Shirley Bassey Click HERE for one of her favourite songs -This is my life and Elvis Presley “Return to sender” that she used to sing whilst washing up Watch here she forged memories within me that I treasure every day ❤️

One day after my mum’s death a friend Sophie – who was an enrolled nurse said to me “why don’t you apply to be a nurse ? You were great with your mum and that way you can care for others like you cared for Dorothy”

Sophie I don’t know where you are today but “thank you so much” as without your words I would have floundered on what to do which career path to follow – I became a nurse , then a midwife and I’ve never looked back – very occasionally I’ve imagined my life with my mum getting older and me as a famous potter which I what I wanted to do – art & ceramics . Instead I work in the Art of Midwifery and I have two amazing children that I value & cherish – so when you read my story & realise there’s more to me than skin to skin – I’d like you to try and see that everyone’s story is different – life makes us who we are for a reason – try to help others as much as you can -this will improves your quality of life

I wonder what my mum would say if she could see me now ?

This blog is dedicated to “Our mum” Dorothy Guiney née Graham 22.2.1925 – 22.9.1978 A wonderful woman, mother,sister,auntie, wife and friend 💛

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Happy 70th Birthday NHS:and to all who work in it-go eat cake 🎂 A beautiful blog by @ValFinigan

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Happy 70th Birthday NHS:and to all who work in it-go eat cake 🎂
A beautiful blog by @ValFinigan